he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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