I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
