watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
