Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize