Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
