you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
