too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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