Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
