i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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