shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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