So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
