i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
