Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
