And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
