Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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