I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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