i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize