i don't like sucking hair
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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