did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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