is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
