I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
