Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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