Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
