thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i will never coherently bang her
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
