I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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