I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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