and you said cock pushups were impossible
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
