shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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