i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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