1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
worst night to have a conscience
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
