Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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