hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
