Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
