her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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