My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
