Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
love makes seman taste better
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
