So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
