clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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