So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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