he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
