guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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