So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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