Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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