umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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