I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
