shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
