yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
