great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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