If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
