Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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