Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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