Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
