I cannot find my penis.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
