i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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