if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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