My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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