Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
