That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
