The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize