I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
