What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
