She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
