I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
