Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
