I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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