just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I skipped work to stalk him.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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