You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
