We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
