Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
