Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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