your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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